I know fear is irrational. I know it is all in my mind. So why do I struggle so?
I have a fear of drowning. I also have a fear of sharks. I'm a certified open water diver. One of these statements doesn't seem to fit with the other two, eh? I can sit here, in the safety of my home, on my couch and launch into an all-out panic attack if I think about it too much. I float like a raft. I have to wear an INSANE amount of weight to get myself to a place where I can successfully complete the dive. So, basically, I get in the water and try to sink myself, all while mentally freaking out that I cannot breathe, swallow (dry throat, ugh!) or get back to the surface. Then, somehow, I manage to get to the bottom, see the most awesome sights in the underwater paradise, and keep myself together enough to complete the dive and get back to the boat. The amount of pride and happiness I feel when I'm done is quite simply overwhelming. I love it. And yet, I am a complete mess every time I get in the water.
So, next comes the part where I explain my fear of heights. I'm not scared of the height as much as I am scared of FALLING from it. Believe me when I tell you that my small step ladder in my kitchen that I use to get me to the top of my cabinets is enough to almost throw me over the edge. You won't find me much above the second rung of a ladder. Don't even ASK me to go up a floating staircase. Crazy, eh? Imagine how crazy it feels for me to attempt a box jump during CrossFit. I hate heights, but I hate jumping to them even worse! I step up onto a 20 inch box and I'm way out of my comfort zone (which, coincidentally is located about 20 inches below me). This past Friday, I faced my fear with the help of Coach Paige and I managed to complete a box jump onto a 16 inch box. More than once. I was THRILLED! Imagine, then, I go to the Box tonight and in the workout, I cannot seem to get over my fear enough to do that same box jump today. Luckily, Coach Paige stacked up some plates that were shorter than the actual box and I was succesful at jumping on those.
Once the workout was over, I took that 16 inch box over to the wall and started to jump onto the box. Jump, step down. Jump, step down. I did this about 15 times. So why couldn't I seem to do it in the workout? Stupid fear.
So what to do? Well, all I know is to take a few minutes every time I walk into the CF Box and do a box jump or five. I have to keep working through it so that the 16 inches off the floor doesn't feel like I'm jumping from an airplane and landing in a glass of water.
#vanhalensaysjump
