I said it before and I'll say it again. I could kick myself for not journaling/blogging during the last LC. What was I thinking?!?
Today some old feelings that I had last year came rushing back. It was somewhere between breakfast and lunch and I was having a really stressful time reviewing some files and I thought "I do NOT want to keep going on this eating plan. I don't want to think about what I cannot eat. I'm so tired of this." And, yes, it is day 2. Last year, it was about week 3 that I had the feelings. I was so tired of being on restriction and all I wanted was to be an adult and make decisions and eat all the comfort foods.
Then, I looked down at my calendar. I doodle there a lot. Here's what I saw:
"Food is for FUEL, not feelings!"
Now, you may tell yourself, "Wait a second! Food can be for feelings! It can be for love, despair, anger." I'm telling you right now, "No." I'm taking a hard line on this. "Eat to live, don't live to eat."
Y'all, that benchmark WOD this morning has me singing the blues. I did WAY better than I thought, but, I did Level 1. That's not even considered Rx. Seriously?!? What does it even matter, then? Yes, I wanted to level up. But, no, I wasn't there yet. The one thing I did decide today was, I have GOT to get some gains this year. I need to work hard and work steady. Eyes on the prize.
For now, I'm going to stuff my face with my prepared lunch and not Wendy's, which I'm dreaming about. Praying that this gets better because right now all I see is uphill.
~LG
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